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Joke of the Day

"Me: I have a younger sister but she's nothing like me. Him: Wow, she sounds perfect."

"What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the other? I didn't know we lived on the same block."

"If I had a pound for every time i misunderstood an expression... I'd way a fucking ton!"

"Trying to decide who to leave my middle fingers to when I die."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off. D:"

"You know what they should call ""Tinder"" in Manhattan? The New York Cock Exchange"

"My father died recently and I came into a bunch of money. I decided to buy a car and pay cash... and the man at the dealership asked me, ""Why are all these bills so sticky?!"""

"The best thing about hand sanitizer in hospitals isn't the hygiene. It's everyone walking around like they're hatching an evil plan."

"I'll never get a dog, but if I had to I'd the kind that doesn't have its butthole displayed too prominently."

"I opened my closet, looking for my boots. And there they were... Gone! (as told to my by my Bella-Russian-Canadian (and redditor) friend)..."