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Joke of the Day

"Two reasons I won't give money to homeless people. 1. They're probably just going to buy beer with that money. 2. I'm going to buy beer with that money. Edit: changed for to with."

"I accidently filled the escort with diesel.... And she died."

"Surprise a beautiful person today by disagreeing with them."

"Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple? The lesbians. They get there lickity split while the gays are still packin it in!"

"James Bond is my favorite drunk, horny murderer."

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, But you'll have to find a really big lightbulb to fit them in there."

"When people ask me for directions Im just going to do a really slow sarcastic Macarena ."

"An Irish man walks out of a bar hahaha"

"My attempt to write from a woman's perspective: ""She carried her boobs to the station. 'They're staring at my boobs,' she thought boobily."""

"What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? Both say Please insert Bill."