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Joke of the Day

"Two reasons I won't give money to homeless people. 1. They're probably just going to buy beer with that money. 2. I'm going to buy beer with that money. Edit: changed for to with."

"I always bring an extra pair of socks when I go golfing... ..Just in case I get a hole in one."

"What do you call a really pompous person with high blood pressure? Hyperpretentious"

"I once went to a zoo which had only one animal It was a Shih Tzu."

"Since married famous people often mix names, shouldn't Hillary and Bill's be... Hillbilly?"

"I want to donate a large amount of money to a rape clinic I wont take no for an answer."

"If I had a dollar for every time Hillary played the Woman Card ...I'd have $0.77 cents."

"It has been scientifically proven that women with few pounds extra tend to live a lot longer than... ...men who point that out."

"What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle ? A tire."

"Tonight's Menu: Gourmet pork blend sausage with organic tomato reduction, served on warm split bread rolls. AKA: Hot dogs with ketchup."