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Joke of the Day

"When it's ""buy one, get one free,"" I have them put the free one in a separate bag so I don't get them mixed up."

"Calm down with that charm bracelet, lady. Every time you move your hand I look around for Santa's sleigh."

"Apparently Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it."

"Did you hear about the twins with a fruit fetish? (May be NSFW) They came in pears"

"Did you hear about the sequel to Snakes on a Plane with giant, poisonous centipedes? It got cancelled. There wasn't enough legroom."

"What's a dead baby's favorite holiday beverage? Infanticider."

"A minister was asked by a politician ""Name something the government can do to help the church."" The minister replied ""Quit making one dollar bills."""

"So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles ""Hardback?"" she inquired. ""Yes"" I said. ""and little heads."""

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day."

"Why didn't Hitler cross the road? Because he could nazi anything"