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Joke of the Day

"This milk is so far past its expiration date that I'm only going to have a small slice."

"I walked into the library the other day and asked the librarian if he still had that mouldy old book on giving your child up for adoption. ""It was vile so I got rid of it."" ""That's the one."""

"Hi, I'm hosting a charity disco & raffle next Saturday 29nd September, to raise money for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come let me know."

"Why wasn't there a Captain America movie tie in videogame? Because every time one bug was fixed, 2 more appeared."

"What does a unionized hooker say when she is done work for the day? I'm off the cock."

"Suzy Why did little Suzy fall of the swing set? She has no arms... Knock knock? Who's there? Not Suzy"

"*buys a bunch of stuff at Costco* Sir, you wanna box for those? ""Nah, I hate violence. Can I just pay cash?"""

"What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of? Avocado pickers"

"*opens dating site account* prepare to be dated you pieces of shit"

"Mom I'm running away! No I don't need a jacket! Mom no I'm fine I don't need a jac- mom! No I don't need you to pick me up later mom! MOM!"