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Joke of the Day

"This milk is so far past its expiration date that I'm only going to have a small slice."

"I'm sorry I said ""sorry about your eyebrows"" when you showed me your wedding photos"

"Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet? Player: I finished it in three days!"

"Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan."

"If I ever noticed you waving frantically from inside a burning building I would totally wave back because I'm polite."

"Your mama so stupid she thought Dick Cheney was a way to keep a man around."

"I went to see Jurassic World because I heard there was a recently genetically modified dinosaur... I didn't see Caitlyn Jenner anywhere"

"How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb None, they just beat the room for being black."

"The ONLY reason I haven't unfriended you yet is because you have huge boobs and I have a feeling that I would miss seeing them."

"What do Romans use to cut pizza Little Caesars"