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Joke of the Day

"Suzy Why did little Suzy fall of the swing set? She has no arms... Knock knock? Who's there? Not Suzy"

"Never ever... Never trust a midget that tells you your wife's hair smells nice."

"[demetri martin] A drunk driver is very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive. ""Go left."" -""Dude those are trees."" ""trust me."""

"""Can you cook dinner tonight?"" Can't. New meds say I can't operate any heavy machinery and that stove doesn't look light"

"What's the worst thing about owning a dildo farm? You get squatters."

"Why did the fencer downvote my latest submission? It was a Riposte."

"Sorry about the typos lately you gays."

"My ex is like the Mona Lisa It's not that she is pretty or anything, but I would be ecstatic if I came home to find her hanging in the living room"

"*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*"

"Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it."