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Joke of the Day

"*buys a bunch of stuff at Costco* Sir, you wanna box for those? ""Nah, I hate violence. Can I just pay cash?"""

"The best thing about having a penis is .. Sharing it with people who don't have one :P"

"Why did the Pepsi Half-Time Show suck so much? Because if it was the Coke Half-Time there would have been a hologram of Tupac or the Beetles instead of Bruno Mars."

"Whoa, calm down, person actually swimming in the swimming pool."

"[sketchy parking lot] stranger: hey man, can you jump my car? me: maybe if i get a running start"

"This 5p bag tax is great I can get a 10bag for 50p"

"*feeds you Cheetos while running my fingers through your hair*"

"The Red Hot Chili Peppers failed to show up to their concert last night. They're now known as the Red Hot Chili Flakes."

"What's a police officers favorite console? Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. :D"

"St. Bernards are dogs living in the Swiss Alps who search for lost travellers, skiers and mountaineers. That's how they survive the winters."