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Joke of the Day

"""I'm so stoked!"" -An excited fireplace"

"My boss said ""You're the worst fucking train driver ever,"" ""How many trains have you derailed to date?"" I replied ""It's hard to keep track."""

"Scientists have successfully grown vocal chords in a petri dish The results speak for themselves."

"What's a Mexican's favourite letter? C. LOL! I heard this at work today, top fucking bantz!"

"What does a witch get if she's a poor traveler? Broom sick."

"GOD: did u eat from the tree of knowledge? ADAM: no...it was my girlfriend GOD: who? ADAM: u don't know her she goes to a different school"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture only takes one nail"

"""Honey, does this milk seem spoiled?"" *milk locks itself in its room til it gets an iPhone 6* ""Oh its just going thru a phase"""

"Brad Pitt might be ""better looking"" than me, but I am considerably fatter."

"So I told my wife I ate a bunch of pineapple today ;-) But then as I came in her mouth, I said ""oh yeah, and a bunch of bacon too"""