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Joke of the Day

"So I told my wife I ate a bunch of pineapple today ;-) But then as I came in her mouth, I said ""oh yeah, and a bunch of bacon too"""

"no the princiPAL is not my PAL he's an ass wipe who called my mom and told her to buy me a bra because my big smelly tits upset him"

"The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there's still a box of the same thing already open."

"I got rid of 300 unnecessary lbs after 6 months. The divorce papers are finalized today."

"If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris."

"Guys I'm like next to Austria right now... Hungary, I could really go for a cheeseburger..."

"A spider crawled on my son's hand today. I did what any father would do. I mean, Luke Skywalker seems like a productive member of society."

"So I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV I then shouted, ""Hey that is mine!"" but I then realised that mine was at home polishing my shoes"

"What type of missiles were used in the Movie Top Gun? ""Tom"" Cruise Missiles."

"I had to stop eating alphabet soup. I kept developing a vowel blockage."