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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked me if we could try fitness... I replied, ""fitness? How about we try fitness dick in your ass."""

"I have a physical limitation from achieving any of my goals My fucking spine. Holds me back."

"Why don't you see any transgendered parents? Because they're trans-parent"

"Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe? More doors."

"[at therapist] I don't know, sometimes I just feel invisible Therapist: WHO SAID THAT?!?"

"What's the Only Planet That Gives a Crap? Uranus."

"I just signed a deal with my liquor store that when I die I'll be stuffed in the Capt. Morgan pose and displayed inside their store."

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and declare 'Drugs' the winner of the war on drugs."

"A guy walks into a bar... ""Ouch"""

"My first name is not Damn Signed, Autocorrect"