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Joke of the Day

"I never ask my kids to call me, I just change the Netflix password and then don't respond to their texts."

"Analysts have recently uncovered the reason behind Obama's recent activity He is practicing for a golf war."

"What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people? 1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired"

"The Physics Department didn't like my Stephen Hawking jokes... ...They all got bent out of shape."

"How did the hipster make it to the front page? He did it before it was cool"

"So apparently there's a team of refugees at the olympics this year. Do you reckon the Syrian refugees are on the rowing team?"

"too poor for whole foods too ugly for walmart"

"Why'd the chicken cross the road? To show a deer how it's done."

"My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class wank him off. I said "" son thats 3 schools this year, maybe teaching isn't for you"""

"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause."