177815

Joke of the Day

"*ties husband's hands to headboard* *turns out lights* *opens laptop* ""Welcome to my PowerPoint presentation 'Curtains: How About These?'"""

"I don't know about you, but I can't wait to be ashamed about what I do this weekend."

"I think the only time my ex didn't fake an orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers."

"Want to know why carrots give you good vision? Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses before?"

"How many monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Monkeys screw in trees."

"That's a nice sham you've got there... It'd be a shame if somebody added an e"

"I really should learn to say ""congratulations"" instead of ""are you keeping it?"""

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he's out standing in his field."

"[First day as a private investigator] *Forgets to turn off camera shutter sound *Gets murdered"

"A scientist claims to have 100,000 pieces of evidence that Bigfoot exists. How about one, a f#cking Bigfoot??"