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Joke of the Day

"I'm going out of this world the way I came in it... Inside a drunk college drop out covered in the blood of an unborn twin."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I live in Canada. So, free health care."

"I'm hosting a benefit for people who struggle, to reach orgasm. Let me know if you can't come"

"Who died and left America in charge? Hitler."

"Question: what is your best comeback to being called a motherf****r? examples: yes I did fuck your mom. Tell her hi. Tell her thanks for the crabs. Tell her I want the money she owes me."

"What did the mother say to the child who refused to eat his fossil for dinner? Trilobite, you'll love it!"

"So it's been a few days since Phil and Ken got married under Irish law... And already Phil wants to Kilkenny"

"I told my paralyzed girlfriend I was leaving her... She couldn't stand to see me go..."

"What pokemon would you catch in Antarctica? Freezing."

"Why are all those people running? A: Why are all those people running? B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup? B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running?"