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Joke of the Day

"Who died and left America in charge? Hitler."

"Two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other and asks 'does this taste funny to you?' Ba da ba, tshhhh."

"I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles. You know...heroin."

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision."

"The first thing they teach you in AA is to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back."

"I gave an emotional speech at a Visine convention... There wasn't a dry eye in the house."

"I give up drinking for good. ... ... ... Now, I drink for evil."

"I gave up on my growing list of optometry jokes They just kept getting cornea"

"Found a interesting submission today about how to counter-attack while fencing... Then I realized it was a riposte."