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Joke of the Day

"Get-rich-quick schemes rarely make much cents"

"Know-it-alls think themselves a fountain of knowledge. In truth they are an oil spill of knowledge... Unwelcome and hard to get rid of."

"In hindsight, naming my family portrait studio Let Me Shoot Your Kids, was probably not the best business decision."

"Cop: You were going 30 over the speed limit Me: Are you sure about that? *gives him a handful of Cheez-Its* Cop: Have a nice day, sir."

"Nic Cage was a straight A highschool student but he slacked off one semester. When he got his report card, he shouted ""Bs! Not the Bs!"""

"A guy tried to fight me for $0.25 I gave him no quarter."

"Why couldn't Joe get to home? He was a Mets fan."

"If Usain Bolt ever becomes a zombie we are all screwed."

"The first time I spent the night at my girlfriend's house, her father would not let us sleep together... ...which is a shame because he was very attractive."

"What do you call a fat person who likes trance music? Trans fat"