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Joke of the Day

"Why don't Polish girls use vibrators? They're afraid of chipping their teeth."

"Bosses get a lot less demanding when you bring a sword to work"

"PASTOR: and the lord said unto uscan u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that"

"Wifey: We should get a chest freezer. Me: We don't need a freezer that big. Wifey: What if we need to hide bodies? Me: I love you."

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: In a mirror probably unless new technology exists. [interviewer thinking] holy smokes he's good"

"Why didn't the atheist businesswoman make any money? She didn't believe in prophets."

"Did you hear about the horror movie set in a campground? It was in tents."

"Katy Perry has made it so awkward to buy cherry chapstick. I swear that cashier just winked and licked his lips at me."

"What do you call an Italian ghost? A Gabaghoul"

"Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard? Because he's no good at shaving."