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Joke of the Day

"PASTOR: and the lord said unto uscan u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that"

"I got to test the new self driving prototype, the Ford Dixie But it crashed and I can't get the police to help. They hang up every time after I tell them ""My Dixie wrecked"""

"I thought the girl at my bus stop thought I was sweet but apparently that's not what she meant by ""un-savory"""

"They are finally letting women go to the ISS About damn time. Some one has to make the men sandwiches up there."

"Watch My lesbian friend gave me a Timex for my birthday. I don't think she understood me correctly when I said I wanna watch."

"Did you hear they found a dead ice cream vendor covered in sprinkles? Police are saying he topped himself."

"Giving birth is terrible for a cow's hips... ...but it's great for their calves."

"People ask me what it's like designing children's parks... It's all swings and roundabouts to be honest"

"What Do You Call It When Someone Has a Bad Experience With Weed? Blunt trauma."

"Why did no one laugh at the hot dogs joke? Because it was too cheesy. I work at a hot dog stand and tell this from time to time."