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Joke of the Day

"PASTOR: and the lord said unto uscan u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that"

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino... \ _ ()_/ "

"DOCTOR: You should lose some weight ME: Ok I'll consider it VET: Your dog should lose some weight ME: Hey bud, you're going on a diet!"

"Chuck Norris doesn't get hangovers. He just gets pissed."

"""Don't let your inner child die!"" could be a slogan for an anti abortion campaign."

"""How dare you accuse us of cheating?"" said the Patriots, struggling to get a jersey on the giant robot tiger that Katy Perry rode in on."

"When I was little I didn't mind my mom feeding me, the only food I refused to allow her to feed me was Alpha-Bits... I just didn't want anyone putting words in my mouth..."

"Accidentally ran the wash with Ecstasy still in a back pocket. Now my jeans are freaking out, and the zipper won't stop grinding its teeth."

"This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense."

"Two cashews walk into a bar... The Bartender says ""How about a glass of our most expensive wine?"" The Cashews reply, ""Do you think we're Nuts?!"""