116039

Joke of the Day

"Katy Perry has made it so awkward to buy cherry chapstick. I swear that cashier just winked and licked his lips at me."

"What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not ""nacho cheese"")? Leave my provolone!"

"My pet lizard was acting really strange the other day so I took it to the vet. She said it was a reptile dysfunction."

"By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong."

"That's so nice of Activia to offer a money back guarantee. Am I supposed to send them pictures of myself not shitting?"

"Me: ""I really like this car"" Salesman: ""Yeah and it also has a latch in case someone gets stuck in the trunk!"" Me: ""Eh, what else ya got?"""

"I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex. He's a small arms dealer."

"My gf said she is going to leave me because of my obsession with the monkeys... I didn't believe her at first, But then i saw her face and now im a believer."

"Why did the nutty kid throw butter out of the window? He wanted to see a butterfly."

"Calling your baby ugly makes me rude? How about you making me look at your ugly baby makes YOU rude."