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Joke of the Day

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: In a mirror probably unless new technology exists. [interviewer thinking] holy smokes he's good"

"How do you start a racist joke? With a look over your shoulder."

"My girlfriend is such a procrastinator She never finishes"

"Guy talking to a girl Guy: I have a joke about my penis. Ah... forget get, it's too long. Girl: I have a joke about my vagina. You won't get it."

"""Nice to meet you,"" she said, meeting me for the third time"

"Why did the picture plead innocent at the trial? It was framed."

"I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat."

"What do you call a Jewish, German clergyman? Jew das Priest."

"So I decided to finally try one of those vegan stores It might have been the single most disappointing experience of my life they didn't have a single vegan for me to purchase"

"When I die My only wish is that I die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling for help like the passengers in his car."