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Joke of the Day

"Exercise makes you look and feel better naked? So does Tequila...."

"Did you know.. Statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape?"

"[Spider sits at computer and Googles probability of being eaten by human in his lifetime] Holy shit Sharon, COME SEE THIS"

"Dad got his son a birthday card A dad got his son a bday card that said ""Holey cow! It's your birthday!"" And it had a picture of a cow with holes in it."

"My friend was being attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him but it only made things worse."

"This transition of power reminds me of when my grandma turned over Thanksgiving duties to my mom and the night ended with police showing up."

"I married a French girl and had three sons We named our first son Antoine. We named our second son Anteux. We named our third son Antthree."

"This subreddit used to be funny until chickens started screwing light bulbs."

"I made my girlfriend dinner to cheer her up after her abortion The selfish cow didn't even touch her king prawn in red wine sauce"

"MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Bleecker St. You insisted you weren't choking and put up a good fight."