119674

Joke of the Day

"[Spider sits at computer and Googles probability of being eaten by human in his lifetime] Holy shit Sharon, COME SEE THIS"

"What does a guy with no friends be for Halloween? Depressed"

"What's the definition of a narrow squeak ? A thin mouse !"

"Fact: Your elbow is the most delicious part of the human body. Try it."

"Do you think Bradley Cooper will call his kids Mini Coopers cause I hope so."

"What Bible verse keeps every student going? Lunch 11:35."

"I once farted in an apple store, everyone got mad. It's not my fault they don't have windows..."

"Why do hipsters prefer to drink their PBR warm? So that they can say they liked it before it was cool."

"Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me. *flips coin into ceiling fan, it's knocked out a window into the sea*"

"APOLLO: I'll be god of the sun HERMES: OK I'll take light- A: I'm also light ARTEMIS: I'll take music A: No I'm also music. That's me too"