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Joke of the Day

"I made my girlfriend dinner to cheer her up after her abortion The selfish cow didn't even touch her king prawn in red wine sauce"

"The professor gave me a C on my Latin exam... Aced it!"

"Me: You have to be nice or Santa won't deliver any toys this year. 5: Me: 5: My brother lets me play with his."

"My favorite holiday drink is the Little Drummer Boy. It's one part rum, three parts pum."

"Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing."

"[approaches parent with child on a leash] ""Mind if I pet your dog?"" Hey that's my son! ""Oh my bad. Mind if I pet your son?"""

"You know those orange cones they put on the road for you to knock over? Totally just beat my previous high score."

"The only ""B"" word you should call women is beautiful. Bitches love being called beautiful."

"What would Hitler say to his son? Look, I am your Fuhrer"

"I like my maths... ...how I like my sex: hard and fast. (difficult, but clear-cut)"