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Joke of the Day

"religion? um, ha, no. i'm not really into the idea of letting a set of ancient rules dictate my life. plus, pisces aren't usually religious"

"What's the hardest part of a gardener's job? Getting to the root of the problem."

"HIPSTER COP: *into radio* ""We've got a 13-88 in progress...it's a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn't know it"""

"elephants are scared of mice they're like 100x their size, stupid massive wimps [a wasp flies in my car and i completely drive off a bridge]"

"Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would to if ur name was arrghhvjvjvkkrhvy"

"what do you call a fly with no wings? A walk"

"Wanna know the difference between a street performer and a hobo? The age"

"What do baby parabola drink? Their Quadratic Formula!"

"A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie. I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius."

"I brought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday You should have seen her face light up when she opened it."