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Joke of the Day

"what do you call a fly with no wings? A walk"

"I thought air was free my whole life until I bought a bag of chips."

"""OMG I'm so wet right now"" - Me after washing a spoon"

"One time in 1997 I forgot to close my air quotes so everything I've said since then has been sarcastic"

"Had sex with a cougar recently She was wild! But now the zoo is suing me."

"What's the similarity between a marriage and a tornado? At the start there's lots of sucking and blowing but in the end you lose your house."

"[doctor hands wife urn] Ma'am, I'm afraid your husband didn't make it. ""Nooo!"" she cries. Oh, he's fine. But he didn't make this lovely urn."

"Knock knock! Who's there? It's me."

"A mushroom walks into a bar... The bartender says ""get the hell out. We don't serve your kind here."" The mushroom responds ""aww why not? I'm a fun guy."""

"A grasshopper walks into a bar The bartender immediately says, ""Hey! We got a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper looks at him quizzically and says, ""You've got a drink named Leonard?"""