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Joke of the Day

"As a little girl, I dreamt of being whisked away by a handsome prince. It's my husband's dream now."

"Why do Americans write ""color"" instead of ""colour""? Because fuck ""u"", that's why."

"squirrel probs"

"What did the 2 say to the 3? Do you even, bro?"

"Here's a question. If you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife switched phones and Facebook profiles for 24 hrs would you still have a relationship!!!!"

"Did you hear the one about the loyal Jewish patriot who put America's interests ahead of Israel's? Me neither."

"*slowly pulls up in a car next to you when ur walking on the sidewalk* ""why did u favorite that instead of retweeting it?"""

"Kinda bored. Might shake things up by believing in Santa again."

"How many WASPs does it take to change a lightbulb? One."

"""DOES ANYONE KNOW CPR?"" I step forward boldly. ""I know OF it."""