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Joke of the Day

"A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie. I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius."

"Why do women fake orgasms? I wish they'd just be honest. I've only faked an orgasm once, when I was being mugged..... That scared him off."

"... -_- Ash gets raped??? http://teensofhs.blogspot.com/2013/02/20000-views-celebration.html"

"I went to the library today I said: do you have any books on suicide? She said: we did, but no one brings them back"

"Asking ""Why aren't you married yet"" is like asking ""Why haven't you jumped from a moving car yet?"" B/c it's painful and not required"

"I was going to post a joke on reddot But then I git high"

"Why shouldn't you tell a pirate your secrets? They ain't private ears. (I don't care if a six year old came to this first thirty years ago, it just came to me.)"

"Plot twist *Where do YOU see ME in 5 years.."

"fun drinking game: take a shot of water every couple hours to make sure you're healthy and hydrated"

"I love raking all the leaves in my yard into a big pile then running really fast and jumping to conclusions when people don't text me back."