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Joke of the Day

"Half way through the movie, I brought some popcorn downstairs for the kids & realized I rented the wrong Black Stallion DVD."

"Nervous about our 1st ultrasound exam. What if my baby doesn't make ultra sounds? What if it's just farting noises? Is it graded on a curve?"

"It's hard for me to believe that the new Star Wars trailer has already been seen millions of times. How do they even know where it's parked?"

"Reddit went down for me... that was the most boring poop ever"

"Katie Price's first task in Celebrity.... Katie Price's first task in Celebrity Big Brother is to not get pregnant or married in the next three weeks."

"My dental hygienist retired after working 55 years... All she got was a lousy plaque..."

"I told my wife she would look pretty bald if she were bald."

"Q: What did one coffin say to the other? A: Is that you coughin'?"

"The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that"

"ART TEACHER: Why have you painted the water green again? It looks- ME: I'm bringing *puts on sunglasses* Shrek sea back AT: You're expelled"