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Joke of the Day

"Nervous about our 1st ultrasound exam. What if my baby doesn't make ultra sounds? What if it's just farting noises? Is it graded on a curve?"

"Want to know how to stop the ""Not My President"" Riots? Play the National Anthem and they'll all kneel."

"What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle? The candle is a thousand times brighter!"

"When I heard they had found the cure for dyslexia.. It was like music to my arse"

"I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said ""a tent of lovers."" I wasn't really listening."

"Why are cpws made for dancing? They're all born hoofers!"

"Genie: I'll grant you 3 wishes Me: I want to fall in love G: OK next M: With a really nice girl *we both start laughing*"

"[my work enemy steve reaches in the basket of muffins my wife made] don't do it steve ""hey everyone come watch me eat brent's wife's muffin"""

"What does Drew Carey have in his driveway? Cleveland Rocks!"

"BLONDES BLOW IT Q: What's it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer."