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Joke of the Day

"I just burned 1,500 calories! I forgot the pizza in the oven."

"When skinny girls say ""I'm so fat"" to fish for a compliment from me, I just agree."

"Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions."

"I wore my ""Gandalf for President"" shirt to the comic convention. It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration."

"What's the gift that keeps on giving? AIDS"

"In Tesla Motors you... Don't drive car, car drives you."

"I like my women like I like my slaves: Coffee. Wait..."

"What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat."

"Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked."

"Did you know the pope really loves cats? He's a real catholic."