172934

Joke of the Day

"Double whammy. First date is turning out to be fun & I also go to meet my hero Chris Hansen from Catch a Predator."

"Whos the coolest guy in hospital? The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy"

"""If I weigh 400 pounds and can lift 600 pounds, shouldn't I be able to fly by lifting the chair I'm sitting in?"""

"Backache Darren This is a joke I wrote before I discovered reddit. I shall link to it thusly: http://vulpes-aurum.deviantart.com/art/Backache-Darren-149248532"

"When people tell me ""You're gonna regret that in the morning"" I sleep in til noon, because I'm a problem Solver"

"""Yo dad, did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary?"" *dad checks & realises his mistake* ""you know what else isn't in here son? Adopted"""

"69% of people... ...find something dirty in every sentence."

"A termite walks into a bar and asks... ""Is the bar tender here?"""

"What do you call two chess enthusiasts bragging in a lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

"What is a good opening bridge bid for the Presidential Election? One no-Trump. Literally a Dad joke. From my literal Dad."