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Joke of the Day

"In LGBTQ acronym, ""Q"" stands for ""queer"" or ""questioning""... It's the ""Don't ask, can't tell"" sexual orientation."

"[speed dating] Me: Have you ever choked someone? ""No I would never do something like that"" Me: Next"

"There's only one downside of putting a woman on the $20 bill. That downside is that the $20 bill is now only worth $15.66"

"The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world."

"Have you ever seen the serial numbers on a condom? No? You must not roll them back far enough."

"My niece said I look like a mom. So now we're playing a game, sorta like Hide-N-Seek, except I hide her and no one finds her. Ever."

"If Mr. Bean lost one of his legs he'd be cannellini!"

"Did you know that Santa Claus is both an arborist and a geologist? He's gonna find out what's knotty or gneiss."

"What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising? Pants."

"What's the difference between a man and an octopus? Octopus: eight tentacles, each its own neural structure that offloads work from the brain Human Male: one tentacle which controls brain"