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Joke of the Day

"My niece said I look like a mom. So now we're playing a game, sorta like Hide-N-Seek, except I hide her and no one finds her. Ever."

"How do you get out of tipping on a $100 order? Order to go. Seriously, fuck you if you do this."

"Women dressed head to toe in animal print just bumped into me, thought I was being attacked my an obese leopard."

"[Turing Test] Tester: Let's start with an easy one, the square root of 29241? Subject: 171! Tester: Subject: I meant, idk math is hard. lol"

"I like my girls the same way I like my coffee. Without milk."

"Here's a limerick I wrote: There once was a colour named orange, ...Damnit."

"My kids in public are direct payback for every time I shriek'd PLEASE DON'T HIT ME AGAIN at my mom in the middle of a crowded mall as a kid."

"I need to get one of those gadgets for my camera so I can take pictures of myself. I think it's called a narciss-stick."

"Waiter there is a maggot in my soup ! Don't worry sir he won't last long in there !"

"My Wife Saw Me Licking A Yogurt Lid And Said ""Why Don't You Lick Me Like That?"" ""Because Yogurt Tastes Better"" The Divorce Is Next Tuesday"