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Joke of the Day

"Teacher: Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich? Me: Because the poor didn't have any fucking money."

"My idea of Hell would be Ben Affleck reading me a sushi menu in his ""Boston guy"" voice."

"Hear about the oriental tailor that got arrested for being too arrogant with his customers? He was always feeling cocky."

"Hey girl are you a new high efficiency dishwasher because you're so quiet it's hard to tell if you're turned on"

"I wonder how many miles I've scrolled with my thumb."

"Jesus. Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice. Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around."

"James May... James might..."

"No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute."

"Jeff: i'm pro gun. Me: i'm anti gun. Greg: i'm vegan. Me: i'm pro gun, now. Jeff, give me your gun."

"What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? ""Just flush it like everybody else does."""