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Joke of the Day

"Hey girl are you a new high efficiency dishwasher because you're so quiet it's hard to tell if you're turned on"

"How do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator."

"There's an old Irish saying: ""I'm Irish."""

"I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. My copy of the script said: 'Enter Juliet from the rear'"

"So in conclusion, the burglars in Home Alone 2 absolutely would have died. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk"

"To think, millions of children go to bed every night without knowing what their Sleep Number is."

"How dare you complain about your life? Someone's mom is Snooki."

"What did the vet say about the maimed donkey? Wow, that ass sure took a pounding"

"I'm currently on two different diets Because with just one I'm always hungry"

"What do you call a Russian sex offender who is trying to quit smoking? A vape-ist"