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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly ? Try sewing buttons on a mosquito !"

"I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to ""Justin Bieber - Baby"" Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick down your throat"

"If you want to stop a bad habit... eat a cyanide capsule"

"*Kylo Ren pranks calls Finn* Hey Finn I bet you shop at *dramatic pause* Traitor Joes!!! *High fives Hux*"

"What did the mathematician do when he was constipated? He worked it out with a pencil..."

"I just saw a black guy driving a BMW and doing the speed limit. I'm following him until he pulls over b/c I know he has drugs in the car."

"What do Terrorist Witches ride? Boomsticks"

"""Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."" ""Peter, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."""

"A dad walks into his son's room... A dad walks into his son's room and says: ""Son, how many times have I told you... If you keep masturbating, you'll go blind."" The son responds: ""Dad! I'm over here."""