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Joke of the Day

"I was walking thru the graveyard the other morning... Saw a guy kneeling behind a headstone. I walked up to him and greeted him ""Morning!"" He replied, ""Nah, I'm just taking a shit"""

"Why was the policeman sent to talk to a bunch of crows? Because someone said there was a ""murder""."

"Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? neither have they..."

"ME: ""Hey, the 1980s called and they want their pants back"" STRANGER WHO IS SECRETLY A TIME COP: ""They called?! That's a level 3 violation!"""

"I had to go on two diets because one wasn't giving me enough food."

"There are two types of people in the world: Those that divide everything into two categories, and those that don't."

"What do you call a cockroach filing a complaint? A Bug report"

"Idea: ATM that sends you encouraging messages like ""You Can Do it"" or ""Ramen Noodles Aren't So Bad"" when you check your sad Account Balance"

"What is green and smells like pork? Kermit the Frog's finger."

"Some people can ruin how attractive they are by doing this weird thing with their mouth... it's called ""talking"""