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Joke of the Day

"i'm so bad at rock-paper-scissors, last time i accidently joined a street gang."

"You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish."

"How come ambassadors never get sick? They have diplomatic immunity."

"Me: Wake up 5-year-old: Me: We're late 5: Me: The house is on fire 5: Me: Your sister touched your stuff 5: *barrel rolls out of bed*"

"[Sci fi movie] How did you travel such a distance so fast? ""I went through a wormhole."" Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic."

"Did you hear about the guy that shits out jars? He's a real glasshole, that guy"

"Does anyone else feel like a 25yr old trapped in a 40yr+ body???"

"What are the three ""O""s of bad driving? Old. Oriental. Ovaries."

"Relationship Joke A man asks his wife, ""What would you do if I won the lottery?"" His wife says, ""Take half and leave your ass!"" The man replies, ""Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"""

"What kinds of guns do T-Rex's prefer? ...mainly SMALL ARMS."