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Joke of the Day

"When I'm looking for a parking spot I turn the radio down because clearly I can see better when it's quieter..."

"i dropped a chicken mcnugget and I've been on the floor of mcdonalds sobbing the lyrics to how to save a life by the fray for 2 hours"

"Do not adopt a snow leopard? i did its ruined the sofa, there is shit all over the house,my arms are in ribbons and now i cant find the dog, i think some charities can be downright irresponsible!"

"If someone wants something their whole life, and you make it happen after they die, that is so goddamned mean. What are you even thinking"

"Men are the best cooks... One sausage, two eggs, bit of milk and they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months"

"I bet if Jimmy cracked YOUR corn you'd care, you selfish son of a bitch."

"Why are all black people scared of sleeping? 'Cause one had a dream, and he died."

"There's nothing more annoying than someone trying to live by their values"

"You burn more calories chasing after your cat than you get from eating it. It's the celery of pets."

"*rearranges Nana's body so she's dabbing* She would've wanted it this way."