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Joke of the Day

"Men are the best cooks... One sausage, two eggs, bit of milk and they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months"

"What's the difference between Batman and Martin Brodeur? Batman isn't wearing hockey pads."

"Teacher: 24 + x + 30 = 90. Find x. Student: It's between 24 and 30."

"[my 1st day as a doctor] I can't find a pulse [patient] that's a trashcan. I'm over here [me] hold on, I think this trashcan is dying"

"Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed? He said he ""couldn't find a shingle person to do it."""

"TURTLE: hey, you carry your house around too! HERMIT CRAB: i do. where'd you find yours? T: i was born with it HC: *scoff* ok princess"

"In Iraq why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day? The camel gets too tired."

"Someone asked me if I was more indecisive or anti-climactic. I guess if I had to choose...I'd definitely say I'm one or the other."

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think we give a fuck."

"Holiday tip: remember, you only have a few days left to drop out of people's lives to avoid buying gifts. You're welcome."