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Joke of the Day

"my dads complaining that i ate all his pills but I'M complaining that he's a giant melting prism of pure energy thats turning into a dragon"

"How much does a pirate pay for an ear piercing? A buck an ear"

"Today, I made the little things count by teaching math to midgets....."

"If you are an option, you are also an idiot"

"God says to jesus, ""You remembered it's father's day?"" Jesus says ""what the hell am I supposed to get a man who has everything?!"" *God turns & winks at camera* ""Omnipresents."""

"Cemetery A priest goes for a walk in the cemetery before breakfast and sees a man crouching by a tombstone. The priest says to the man ""Morning!"" He replies ""No actually, I'm taking a shit!"""

"How to stop pedophilia worldwide? Kill all the children."

"Why does Tumblr hate symmetrical shapes? Because they can't even"

"Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Look ask me when I get back from India okay?"

"I Hate Watching Romantic Movies at the Cinema I hate watching romantic movies at the cinema because I'm the only one who laughs, especially at those crying in front of me."