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Joke of the Day

"God says to jesus, ""You remembered it's father's day?"" Jesus says ""what the hell am I supposed to get a man who has everything?!"" *God turns & winks at camera* ""Omnipresents."""

"Coldplay is like depression you can hear."

"Why can't melons get married? Because they cantaloupe."

"Whats 10 inches? What's 10 inches, has a big red head and makes my girlfriend cry when i put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage"

"Black Joke Why do black people have nice clothes, expensive jewelry, and drive fancy cars with rims but live in crappy houses/apartments? -They haven't figured out how to steal houses yet."

"Why did ygritte break up with Jon Snow? She didn't want six inches of snow all year long."

"How do you tell which nurse is the head nurse? shes the one with dirty knees"

"I get a lot of mental exercise by thinking up exotic ways to avoid physical exercise."

"A guy walks into a bar So a guy walks into a bar.... Where does he go next? The hospital. Why does he go to the hospital? For Alcohol poisoning"

"Just text my husband to tell him he left his phone behind & someone is calling him. And now someone's texting him."