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Joke of the Day

"The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was ""I know how to start a fire!"" so nothing you guys say today can scare me."

"Man calls home before leaving the office, asks his wife to slide down the banister. To get his dinner warmed up."

"I stopped writing poetry when I realized their only value was to threaten to read them to people if they didn't do what I wanted."

"I work in a deli and put my cock in the bagel slicer. I got fired... ... and so did she."

"I'm currently preparing for a role It's a cinnamon roll."

"I am religious. I religiously avoid church."

"Bigfoot is like a father to me... ... I've only ever seen him in photos, never in real life."

"How do married men remember their birthdays? 1 year since their last blowjob."

"Look mom, no meds!"

"Why aren't PhDs real doctors? Because real doctors have cures."