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Joke of the Day

"I stopped writing poetry when I realized their only value was to threaten to read them to people if they didn't do what I wanted."

"All I'm hearing about today is a really awesome owl A superb owl at that, I don't get it."

"A boy calls 911 Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911 Operator: What's your emergency? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911 Operator: So what's the problem? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"Q: What's the best place to photograph Clinton Administration officials? A: A police lineup."

"I wish cartoons would have prepared me for working and doing taxes instead of, like, quicksand"

"*puts on white shirt* *accidentally spills coffee* *takes off shirt* *shoves shirt into coffee pot* *puts on brown shirt*"

"My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"Any writer can be a ghost writer if you kill them"

"Jenner is a hero, and quite frankly saved some lives Had I not replaced the Jenner in my truck last week I wouldnt have been able to shift into neutral when my accelerator stuck today."

"Just got out of heart surgery with a surgeon who had tremors. I'm quite shaken up about it. Sorry if this is a repost."