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Joke of the Day

"Bigfoot is like a father to me... ... I've only ever seen him in photos, never in real life."

"Teacher: Fill out the parent form. Me: Why? Teacher: So I can contact you if your kid gets in trouble. Me: *writing* Raised. By. Wolves."

"Does anybody know if you can hire somebody to go out and have beers with? I'm asking for a friend."

"Do the stupid crap you're going to do soon cause in a few weeks, when forced to explain, you can end by saying, ""but that was last year."""

"What's the difference between harass and annoy? I have never had my finger in annoy. Edit: NSFW.. depending where you work, I guess."

"the united states russia argentina and germany walk into a bar...... germany turns to argentina and says ""hey wanna go into the country with me"" HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH get it?"

"My years of napping and making out with strangers have prepared me for a solid career as a CPR dummy"

"ME: Guess who was just promoted to be the new CEO! COWORKER: Amanda. ME: Why would you assume it's a man?"

"I found out the prostitute I picked up was a dude in drag. I decided I didn't want the trans action."

"I fell in love with a prostitute last night, she had literally everything I have ever wanted in a woman My dick"