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Joke of the Day

"How did Jared Fogel lose 60 pounds? He broke up with his girlfriend."

"What do you call a priest giving a long, boring sermon? An anes-theologist. (close enough)"

"Ted: ""Dad, why don't I have a middle name?"" Dad: ""Actually son, Ted is your middle name. Your first name is Adop"""

"How to keep an idiot busy (answer is in the description) How to keep an idiot busy (answer is in the title)."

"Genesis is my favorite rock group who've been around long enough to write a chapter in the bible."

"Nazis and the great depression, I get it, Grandpa. But did you have to hear the word 'selfie' every fucking day? Did you?!"

"Why did the chickens cross the road? Because they were Turkish."

"I was reading a newspaper, and the headline said,""America is without a leader!"" I said,""That's unpresidented!"""

"what is in common between h.clinton and ronda rousey? they both won the popular vote"

"You are riding a horse. There is a giraffe beside you and a lion chasing you. What do you do? You get your drunk ass off the carousel. Edit: *off Thanks captain."