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Joke of the Day
"I went a week without makeup and here's what happened: Nothing. No one gave a shit."
Next Joke
"The definition of mixed emotions... My mother-in-law driving of a cliff in my new car"
"*approaches girl in bar* *passes right through her* *i've been dead for 73 years*"
"Her: I heard your sister went to the US. Me: Yeah she did. Her: Which state? Me: Alaska. Her: Cool, when she tells you, tell me."
"According to my neighbor's journal, I have ""boundary isues."""
"I can never remember if X is hug and O is kiss or if it's the other way around, so sorry if our tic-tac-toe game starts off a little weird."
"How do you fit four gays on one stool? Flip it upside-down. (sorry in advance)"
"don't usually brag about helping people, but when I saw an old lady drop her groceries, I yelled: ""lift with a straight back!"" it felt good"
"JUDGE: I hereby sentence you t- PENGUIN COURT REPORTER: *angrily smashing keyboard with flippers* CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN A BIT"
"One you haven't heard- What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging by a window? Curt 'n Rod"