166141

Joke of the Day

"At the store: Sir, do you have cotton balls? Look, if I had cotton balls my kids would be plush toys!"

"What do you do with a zombie chef? Skillet"

"A mechanical engineers wife comes out of delivery. She texts him She texts him : ""your new vehicle has been launched"". He replies : "" is it with gear stick or automatic?"""

"A new report has concluded that dog owners are more outgoing than cat owners. Hardly surprising. You have to take a dog for walks."

"What's the Syrian girl doing on the swing? Pissing off the sniper"

"My friend got me a sweater for Christmas... I would have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but she did the trick."

"Man at the dog park: Who's a good girl? WHOSAGOODGIRRRRLLL???? Me: *looks around* *slowly raises hand*"

"I don't drink water, unless it's been through a brewery first."

"What does a girl do to her as asshole before having the most crazy sex of her life? She leaves him at home"

"What is 13 inches long, has a purple head and makes a woman scream all night long? Crib death."