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Joke of the Day

"What does a girl do to her as asshole before having the most crazy sex of her life? She leaves him at home"

"Never mind trying to scare me about going to hell religious people, it won't work. I was married for 6 years."

"[hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. ""Yay!"" Sorry ur VEIN went viral...you have a fatal blood disease. ""So waitmy Vine didn't go viral?"""

"I bought the wrong kind of compass. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere drawing perfect circles."

"Yes, Banner Ads, we want to check our Credit Scores. Almost as much as we want to pick people up at the airport and see our parents fucking."

"What do you get when you combine a pun and a rhetorical question?"

"What is the difference between feminists and Nazis? One group has a purpose and lots of support and the other is full of nagging women."

"Cats act so cool all year long & then Christmas comes and they eat tinsel."

"As I was leaving the club last night . . . . . . A male stripper suggestively swiveled his banana hammock in my direction. I'm flattered, but it was still kind of a dick move."

"I was standing at a urinal taking a leak when I realized standing to my left was Muhammad Ali and to my right was Michael J. Fox...bad day to wear sandals."