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Joke of the Day

"A new report has concluded that dog owners are more outgoing than cat owners. Hardly surprising. You have to take a dog for walks."

"Someone was taken down to the police station after they were caught drinking vodka from a coffee cup while driving. They took a mug shot."

"You don't put your dick in crazy because you'll probably get hurt... You don't put your dick in stupid because you'll probably get hertz"

"Before working to reunite the US he was known as Abram Lincoln."

"The other day I walked up to a homeless person. 'Knock knock' 'Who's there' 'I thought you were homeless!'"

"I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company. We're not very good."

"You know that scene in 8 Mile where Eminem disses himself so the other guy has nothing to rap about? That's basically my only plan in life."

"In a land with no pockets, the man with the fanny pack is king."

"How did hitler tie his shoes? In little nazis"

"To me Bernie Sanders is more like God It is not the guy I have problem with but the fan club freaks me out."