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Joke of the Day

"My mom once forgot her meds and tried to drown me in the bathtub. That made for a really weird 27th Birthday."

"The next iPhone won't be a failure In fact, it'll be a huge 6S."

"What do you call a potato shaped like a penis? A dictator."

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? (NSFW) You can keep the tip..."

"I'm a real gym rat (i go there at night and eat their garbage)"

"The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game; I'll play mine."

"How is a marriage similar to a deck of cards? Starting off with 2 hearts and a diamond seems great but by the end all you want is a club and a spade."

"A man clicks on a post in /r/jokes... I'm watching you."

"How do you get wishes from cheese? You fed-a-genie!"

"Always face somebody and make eye contact while talking... Especially when they attempt small talk at the urinal."