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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor got an iPad! I know this because I always steal his mail. My new iPad is awesome!"

"There are 3 types of people in the world Those who can count and can't count"

"Why are Jewish people so smart? Because they have spent so much time concentrating."

"What did Donald Trump say to the thieving immigrant at the RNC? Great speech sweetheart!"

"It's a good thing I'm not a god because I'd probably just end up eating the planets after midnight over the sink."

"How did I sleep in college? I slept like a baby... I woke up every two hours to vomit, shit myself and cry myself back to sleep."

"*admires David at the museum* I can't believe a teenage mutant ninja turtle sculpted this"

"I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds"

"What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose? One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny"

"I'm going to name my son Red so he'll grow up to be a wise sportswriter or the prison inmate who knows how to get things. Hopefully both."